Bad Jokes
Fast Joke
What is the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it smashes against the windscreen of a car going 70 mph?
Its butt.
Selfish Joke
He: Honey, I have to tell you something. I have AIDS.
She: I know.
Bad Joke
KID : Dad, what do condoms do?
DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one.
Plane Joke
I asked the stewardess to switch my seat on a plane because I was seated right next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not something they let you do if the baby is your own.
Offensive Joke
Doctor: “Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.” Mrs. Smith: “Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?!” Doctor: “Oh no, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.”
Rude Joke
A girl to her boyfriend: “I’m breaking up with you!” - “But why?” - “Because you’re constantly making fun of my weight!” - “Oh come on, honey, don’t be like that! Here, grab these two chairs, sit yourself down on them and we will talk it out.”
Electrician Joke
My poor skills as an electrician often leave people shocked.
War Joke
During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired.
Teenager Joke
What do freshly pregnant teenagers and their babies share?
They both think, ”Mom’s probably going to kill me”
Psychologist Joke
A man complains sadly to a psychologist: “Nobody seems to like me.“ - The psychologist responds: “What do you think could be the reason for that?“ - The man looks at him: “So is it my task or yours to find that out you moron!“
Horse Joke
Do you know the difference between a horse and a cactus?
No.
What?!
Well just try sitting on one, then you’ll know it.
Cannibals Joke
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. “I just can’t stand my mother-in-law,” sighs one. “That’s quite understandable,” nods the other one, “why don’t you just have the potatoes with the gravy?”
Thanksgiving Joke
What’s the universal key to a lovely Thanksgiving?
The turkey.
Dirty Joke
Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm. They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially. The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. “One day, you’ll spill your guts out, you mark my words!” was the lady’s frequent closing warning. Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey’s guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man’s covers. “That’ll teach him!” she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work. At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression. “You were right about the farting, Ida,” he panted, “I’m ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!”
Father Joke
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids? If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Friends Joke
About two weeks into November, the head turkey turns to his second-in-command and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”
Roast Joke
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults. Roast me!”
This is a post on bad jokes.
What is the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it smashes against the windscreen of a car going 70 mph?
Its butt.
Selfish Joke
He: Honey, I have to tell you something. I have AIDS.
She: I know.
Bad Joke
KID : Dad, what do condoms do?
DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one.
Plane Joke
I asked the stewardess to switch my seat on a plane because I was seated right next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not something they let you do if the baby is your own.
Offensive Joke
Doctor: “Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.” Mrs. Smith: “Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?!” Doctor: “Oh no, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.”
Rude Joke
A girl to her boyfriend: “I’m breaking up with you!” - “But why?” - “Because you’re constantly making fun of my weight!” - “Oh come on, honey, don’t be like that! Here, grab these two chairs, sit yourself down on them and we will talk it out.”
Electrician Joke
My poor skills as an electrician often leave people shocked.
War Joke
During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired.
Teenager Joke
What do freshly pregnant teenagers and their babies share?
They both think, ”Mom’s probably going to kill me”
Psychologist Joke
A man complains sadly to a psychologist: “Nobody seems to like me.“ - The psychologist responds: “What do you think could be the reason for that?“ - The man looks at him: “So is it my task or yours to find that out you moron!“
Horse Joke
Do you know the difference between a horse and a cactus?
No.
What?!
Well just try sitting on one, then you’ll know it.
Cannibals Joke
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. “I just can’t stand my mother-in-law,” sighs one. “That’s quite understandable,” nods the other one, “why don’t you just have the potatoes with the gravy?”
Thanksgiving Joke
What’s the universal key to a lovely Thanksgiving?
The turkey.
Dirty Joke
Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm. They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially. The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. “One day, you’ll spill your guts out, you mark my words!” was the lady’s frequent closing warning. Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey’s guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man’s covers. “That’ll teach him!” she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work. At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression. “You were right about the farting, Ida,” he panted, “I’m ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!”
Father Joke
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids? If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Friends Joke
About two weeks into November, the head turkey turns to his second-in-command and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”
Roast Joke
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults. Roast me!”
This is a post on bad jokes.
