Sexy Jokes
Sexist Joke
I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots. I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left 2 days ago.
Women Joke
1. You should have a woman who works at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job.
2. You should have a woman who can make you smile and laugh.
3. You should have a woman you can trust, a woman who never lies to you.
4. You should have a woman who is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you.
5. And you should always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other.
Winter Joke
Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open. Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.” 15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”
Husband Joke
My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems. Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!
Court Joke
Judge: Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: Because the table was too heavy.
Stupid Joke
Women are so funny sometimes. They think that their long silences or “I won’t talk to you” attitudes is actually a punishment.
Challenge Joke
‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'
‘Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?'
Intelligent Joke
A husband asks his wife: - If I died, would you marry again? - Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry? - No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.
Fortune Joke
A fortune teller asks a woman: “So, you came to know your husband’s future?” “No way, tell me about his past, then I’ll decide about his future!!”
Wedding Joke
If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.
Pregnancy Joke
Good news: Your wife is pregnant, yay!
Bad news: She’s expecting triplets.
Terrible news: You’ve had vasectomy…
Divorce Joke
Good news: Your wife won’t talk to you.
Bad news: She wants a divorce.
Terrible news: She’s a lawyer…
Curse Joke
A woman visits a well-known witch. She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her about 8 years ago. The witch asks, “What sort of a curse was it, then?” The woman said, “It went, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’.
Funny Phrases
”If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.
Anniversary Joke
Husband: “Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.” - Wife: “Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!” And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.
Marriage Joke
My wife and I have been married for 43 years and we've never even thought about a divorce. Murder, yes. But divorce, no.
Women Joke
(In National Geographic narrator voice) Even though at first sight, they may seem cuddly, friendly and sweet, one must not forget that women are still dangerous predators.
Delivery Joke
I shouted at my wife while she was in labor: "Push honey! Come on and push! You have to push harder!" - She said: “Stop talking to me you cretin!” - I mean what did she expect? It's an old car and if she wants to get to the hospital we need to get it started somehow...
Flirting Joke
I always take too long to notice when somebody’s flirting with me. Usually by the time I catch on, the person is married with 4 kids.
This is a post on sexy jokes.
I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots. I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left 2 days ago.
Women Joke
1. You should have a woman who works at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job.
2. You should have a woman who can make you smile and laugh.
3. You should have a woman you can trust, a woman who never lies to you.
4. You should have a woman who is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you.
5. And you should always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other.
Winter Joke
Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open. Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.” 15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”
Husband Joke
My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems. Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!
Court Joke
Judge: Why on Earth did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: Because the table was too heavy.
Stupid Joke
Women are so funny sometimes. They think that their long silences or “I won’t talk to you” attitudes is actually a punishment.
Challenge Joke
‘Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'
‘Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?'
Intelligent Joke
A husband asks his wife: - If I died, would you marry again? - Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry? - No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.
Fortune Joke
A fortune teller asks a woman: “So, you came to know your husband’s future?” “No way, tell me about his past, then I’ll decide about his future!!”
Wedding Joke
If it's true that girls will probably marry men who resemble their fathers, it would explain why so many mothers cry at weddings.
Pregnancy Joke
Good news: Your wife is pregnant, yay!
Bad news: She’s expecting triplets.
Terrible news: You’ve had vasectomy…
Divorce Joke
Good news: Your wife won’t talk to you.
Bad news: She wants a divorce.
Terrible news: She’s a lawyer…
Curse Joke
A woman visits a well-known witch. She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her about 8 years ago. The witch asks, “What sort of a curse was it, then?” The woman said, “It went, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’.
Funny Phrases
”If you and I were on a sinking ship, and there was but one life vest... I cannot express how much I would miss you.
Anniversary Joke
Husband: “Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.” - Wife: “Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!” And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.
Marriage Joke
My wife and I have been married for 43 years and we've never even thought about a divorce. Murder, yes. But divorce, no.
Women Joke
(In National Geographic narrator voice) Even though at first sight, they may seem cuddly, friendly and sweet, one must not forget that women are still dangerous predators.
Delivery Joke
I shouted at my wife while she was in labor: "Push honey! Come on and push! You have to push harder!" - She said: “Stop talking to me you cretin!” - I mean what did she expect? It's an old car and if she wants to get to the hospital we need to get it started somehow...
Flirting Joke
I always take too long to notice when somebody’s flirting with me. Usually by the time I catch on, the person is married with 4 kids.
This is a post on sexy jokes.
