Most glamorous short funny jokes good for kids and teenagers including family - funny videos jokes, funny quotes, yo mama jokes humor, knock knock jokes, racist jokes and a great deal more...plus science jokes

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Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.

Q: what do you call two lesbians floating down a river
A: Fur Traders

Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When u are eating pussy you can still see the asshole in front of you!

Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: "I'll see you next month."

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men.

Q: Did you hear Ellen DeGeneres died?
A: They found her face down in Ricki Lake.

The other day a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently HD was the wrong answer.

Q: What do you call lesbian twins?
A: Lick-a-likes.

Q: What does Santa get a lesbian for Christmas?
A: A new carpet to munch on.

Q: Why is did the lesbian build a shelf?
A: To hold her shoulders.

Q: Why was the lesbian sick?
A: She was lacking vitamin D

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience

Q: Why don't fem lesbians go on dates?
A: Because it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've got Mary Kay on your face.

Q: Have you heard about the new lesbian style of running shoe: the dykee?
A: It has an extra long tongue and only takes one finger to get it off.

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a ritz cracker?
A: One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

Q: What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A: Gaylick

Q: What do you call a lesbian who lives up north?
A: A Klondyke.

Q: What's the most important question on the minds of Alaskan lesbians?
A: What would ya do oh oh for a Klondyke bar?

Q: What do you call a lesbian's closet?
A: A lick-her cabinet.

Q: Where can you find a penis on a lesbian?
A: Maybe you should ask Dick van Dyke.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with 100 semiautomatic rifles?
A: Militia Etheridge.

Q: Did anybody hear about that new cough medicine for lesbians?
A: Dyquil!!

Q: What do you call three lesbians in a closet?
A: A Licker cabinet

Q: What do lesbians call viagra?
A: Batteries

Q: What card game do lesbians play?
A: Poke-her

Q: What do you call a horny lesbian dinosaur?
A: A clitosaurus

Q: why did the lesbian refuse to give her girlfriend a high five?
A: she wanted to preserve her palm.

Q: What does a lesbian want for christmas more than anything else?
A: a brand new carpet to munch on.

Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hairballs.

Q: Why are lesbians lousy construction workers?
A: They don't know how to handle wood.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
A: Single!

Q: What do you call two lesbians on their period?
A: Finger Painting

Q: What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?
A: Depends

Q: Why can't lesbians go on a diet and wear lipstick at the same time?
A: You can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on your face!

Q: What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats

Q: What do you call a 300 pound lesbian?
A: A bush hog

Q: What do you call a 100 pound lesbian?
A: A weedeater

Q: What did one lesbian say to another?
A: "Your face or mine?"

Q: Do you know why oysters increase lesbian sexual libido?
A: Because after eating a dozen oysters, pussy doesn't taste so bad!

Q: Why do lesbians shave there vaginas?
A: So they don't start a fire grinding.

Q: What kind of humor do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in cheek.

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A: Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Q: What do you call two Chinese lesbians?
A: two can chew!

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: 3 blind lesbians in a fish market.

Q: How can you tell you're in a tough lesbian bar?
A: Even the pool table has no balls.

Q: Why do gay men like to have lesbian friends?
A: Someone has to mow the yard.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semiautomatic rifles?
A: Militia etheridge

Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a lesbian?
A: You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Q: What weighs 250 pounds and swims in the San Francisco Bay?
A: Moby Dyke.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: a Lickalotapus

Q: Did you hear about the new after-shave for Lesbians?
A: It's called "OLD DYKE"

Q: why do lesbians suck at cooking?
A: they always eat out

Q: What drives a lesbian up the wall?
A: A crack in the ceiling.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: What is the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian?
A: One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?"
The woman responds, "I have a woman in twice a week."

One Liners

Being a lesbian is ok, being bisexual is ok, being straight is ok, what's not ok? Wearing crocs.

While having sex with women is fun, I primarily became a lesbian to break my mother's heart.

Even though I saw my mortal enemy in a lesbian porn scene online, I can never mention it, for obvious reasons.

Gay Or Not, if a girl walks past another girl with a fat A$$ she's going to turn around and look!

Lesbian, Bi, Ugly, Fine, Rich, Poor, Skinny, Fat, Black, White, Purple, A FRIEND IS A FRIEND!

Every girl has a little lesbian and stripper side inside her.

If lesbians aren't attracted to men, then why are they attracted to girls who behave like men.

If god hates lesbians why did he create them?

A lesbian couple I know can't afford the double headed dildo they want. They're really struggling to make ends meet.

I don't care if you're black, white, straight, gay, lesbian, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, alien - People are people. Respect them.

Guys, it's not cute when you're an emotional pussy. If I wanted a pussy, I would be a lesbian.

I think most guys turn gay when they go to jail and most girls turn bi/lesbian when they go to an all girls school

Listen straight girl: I'm not going to be the guinea pig for your science experiment. Go makeout with a log

Two Lesbians
Two lesbians turn in for the night.
One lesbian turns to the other and says. "I want to be frank with you."
The other lesbian says "I thought it was my turn to be frank."

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!" Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!" 

Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over", he said.

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".

Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's going on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Most glamorous short funny jokes good for kids and teenagers including family - funny videos jokes, funny quotes, yo mama jokes humor, knock knock jokes, racist jokes and a great deal more...plus science jokes